The big difference!

I know its been a long time since I posted something, but actually I was so busy and exhausted that I wasn't able to keep writing my blog. But now I have so many things to tell that I should start, before there are too many of them! Well, my internship in Switzerland turns out to be the hardest lesson for me to learn until today...First I was excited about the company, the reputation, new country etc. I mean, I just got back from Barcelona and was so sad that those five month were over....actually I hoped to find the same thing in Switzerland again. Of course I know that working in a foreign country is a whole different thing than studying, but however, I had my expectations. And know I am somehow fighting like hell to not give up before the finish line. But lets start from the beginning...I arrived in Switzerland and was totally happy with my new home town. I still like it by the way...I was happy about where I live and also this has not changed. But during the weeks and months I've worked at Bosch, nearly everything has changed. Especially about my self confidence and satisfaction. First I see the persons from my university in Germany, who I never wanted to see again, all together here in Solothurn. Shit!! It actually kills me to see them nearly every day because I hate false people and I am always glad when I never have to see them again! But hey...what can I do about it? Second....first I also thought that the other interns would be great and I liked them all at first sight. But it turns out that all the false, arrogant, 08/15 chicks are gathering in my department!! WTF????? Can I really have so bad luck? Well...normally all of this would not bother me so much, but I am in a foreign country, I miss my family and friends in Germany and I miss Barcelona like hell...that with an 8 to 9 hour shift, two papers to write, an exam to prepare and learning french isn't an easy package to handle...I started to feel like the freak in school, who is always depressed because she gets dissed every day...and then you start to question yourself and trying to find a solution for this huge problem. In my case the solution is often that I start to do sports like hell, which wasn't really a solution because one day my body just told me through a cold that all this is enough...way to much for him and me to handle...my head was swimming and the world around me literally started moving and fell apart. Although I spent one week at home and regained a lot of my energy, when I got back to work on monday, it hit me again so bad that I went to the doctor. That wasn't really the deepest point this day, because when I started to cry in front of the doctor and later in front of my bosses (this was quite a fun) and couldn't stop, I actually realized in what condition I am. The only thing I could think about was to just give all my responsibilities to another person, going straight back home and to sleep until I can't sleep anymore. Of course I did not do it, but I was acutally really close...

To cut to the chase....what I wanted to say with this blog: It doesn't matter how much money you get or what a great company you are working in or all the fancy things you could buy from that money...no...when I got back to Dresden and Barcelona for some days, I realized that all of this isn't important when you are alone...the most important thing in life are the people around you, who support you and love you. I've learned again, what friendship means, because in Switzerland I've almost forgot, how great it feels to be around special people, who like you and accept you as you are! So whenever you feel bullyed by some idiotic people, just get back to your friends and think, that all those people are just average and stupid for not wanting you as a best friend! It may sound stupid, but I discovered that it is nothing but the truth! I big hug to all of my friends!! I love you sooooo much!! And for all the rest of you: A TOMAR POR CULO!!

The Game of Life

Today I will write about something that are experiencing many of my friends and lots of other people right now: Application and the game of life. You have to listen to that song..and I think all of you can feel what I feel..and I think that I am not the only one who is feeling or felt that way.

Sending applications is not an easy thing to do, although there are so many guides, websites, and other stuff that is there to tell you how to do it and do it right...but the thing is...with your application you are forced to press your personality on to a paper or into a CV...and we have to be honest: How can we do that?? No CV, no motivation-letter will the other person tell who you really are! And still you are trying and doing your best to impress the companies...you spend hours to prepare your cover letter..rewriting every single word again and again..just to make it PERFECT! You send your application and think that you sent it the best way you could send it....and then nothing...silence...and then you receive an email that tells you that they will take your application into consideration. And this is the part I hate the most: the waiting part!

The fear of rejection is such an aweful feeling...always you think, you have to do better, bigger and higher..this is the game of life! The strong survive! But sometimes I am just tired...so tired..to always fight the next fight...to tell myself that when I have been rejected, that it is nothing personal, that there is something better waiting for me...but what if there is nothing waiting? This is a thought that I can not avoid coming up again and again in my head...I studied so hard, I tried so much to improve myself and I think I am good person...I deserve better! And although I am tired, and disappointed, I will get up again and fight the next fight. I will send the next application believing that there is something waiting for me out there! I will not give up, because I believe that the easy way is never the right way! I believe that we have to fight for what we want! Really fight and really want it!

But for all of you who are sometimes feeling as tired as I am feeling: I think this is only the time we need to recover and to come back! And then we are back to the game of life and rockin it!!! Good luck!